Hiking alone or with friends is far different than hiking with someone with whom you would like to remain in a romantic relationship. While thru-hiking, you will often be smelly, exhausted, dirty, sore, and soaking wet. A lot of your time will be spent covered in bug bites, inhaling disgusting combinations of food, or pooping in a hole in the woods. There are no date nights. No getting dressed up fancy and leisurely eating a classy dinner. Not even lazy mornings cuddled up on the couch watching a movie. It takes work to keep the romance alive. Here are some tips from us, who managed to finish one trail liking each other more than when we began.
Do: Split gear weight between yourselves. A two-person tent is lighter than two one-person tents. One person carries the moleskin, the other person carries the ibuprofen.
Don’t: Split chocolate weight between yourselves. Some people cannot be trusted with their significant other’s share of treats.
Do: Carry and wear deodorant. (Just do it. Really. Travel size only weighs two ounces.)
Don’t: Make comments when five days of hiking in the dead of summer overpowers even the best deodorant and you have to sleep in each other’s smellosphere.
Do: Occasionally splurge on a hotel rather than a hostel for privacy and normal length showers.
Don’t: Bring your disgusting smelly shoes into your hotel room for any reason.
Do: Make good use of time in towns by getting clean, doing laundry and satisfying food cravings.
Don’t: Be coy about how fast you want to stuff food into your face hole as soon as the server sets the plate down in front of you. Chances are, your significant other will be impressed.
Do: Take lots of pictures of stunning scenery and wildlife.
Don’t: Take lots pictures of yourselves kissing in front of stunning scenery and wildlife.
Do: Get far far away from one another when doing your business. Nothing ruins the mood like catching your significant other in a full squat.
Don’t: Keep the ziploc bag full of your used, packed-out toilet paper visible when you aren't far far away from one another.
Do: Keep your head up while hiking so you don’t inadvertently pass your partner who is sleeping on a rock eight feet off the trail.
Don’t: Continue to hike if you are almost positive you should have seen your hiking partner by now.
Do: Take pictures of one another without that person knowing.
Don’t: Take pictures of each other taking pictures.
Do: In the middle of the night, when nature calls, quietly leave your tent making sure not to disturb your partner.
Don’t: In the middle of the night, when nature calls, shimmy up to the door of the tent and attempt to pee from the inside. Your tent vestibule will thank you and your partner won’t hit you.
Do: Enjoy sharing an adventure with one of your favorite people in the world. Cherish all the time you get to spend alone together.
Don’t: Get irritated with your favorite person in the world because you haven’t seen a human besides one another since you left that town 130 miles back.
Final Thoughts
There are a lot of reasons that hiking with your significant other could be miserable. But for the adventurous couple, there are also a lot of reasons it could be amazing. For us, the experiences of thru-hiking--horrible and beautiful and uncomfortable and rewarding--are experiences we shared. For that reason, we look back on them fondly. Even the bad parts.
Mark says "I don't think I want to know what he's going to do or not do on the trail with my daughter!"
J/k. Hilarious blog post. You guys are so earthy!!!